Ramblings of a Chemistry Nerd

Jimmy Kimmel Rocks

I found these videos today, courteousy of People Magazine. Anyway, the scoop is that for Jimmy Kimmel’s 5th year as host of his late night talk show, his girlfriend, Sarah Silverman, made this video for him. She’s a comedian and she teamed up with Matt Damon, who Kimmel makes fun of at the end of every show, to make this music video about her fucking Matt Damon. The whole thing is a joke, obviously, and her video is pretty funny. In reponse, Jimmy Kimmel made his own video, I’m Fucking Ben Affleck, and he totally OWNED her. His is way funnier, and is spoofs We are the World. There are some pretty awesome celebs in it too (Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, the Madden Brothers). And they all sing about Jimmy Kimmel fucking Ben Affleck. It’s freakin hysterical. So watch it.

I mean really, how many times are you going to be able to see Josh Groban sing, “He’s fucking Ben Affleck” in his classical music type voice? It’s fantastic. Seriously. So watch them.

The Grammy's

I’m not really one for award shows. I usually get bored. The jokes are terrible, the speeches are full of political garbage and false thanks. Basically it’s a complete lamefest. But I like to see who wins awards, and the performances. This year, I was very pleasantly surprised. At least in the peformances. They had a lot of duets with newer artists and classic artists (probably because it was the 50th). Performances of note:

• Alicia Keys and John Mayer (the man looks so good playing guitar!)
• Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli
• Beyonce and Tina Turner (shes basically awesome and like 70 years old).
• Foo Fighters, always excellent

They’re superb. Now on to the CRAP, which there was a lot of per usual. Is anyone else sick of Kayne West and his “I’m the best thing in the whole world, and everyone should do whatever the fuck I say all of the time”? Seriously. If you talk too much, they’re going to start playing the music to get you off the stage. They have time constraints. Get over it. They did it to Ringo FUCKING Starr, and he shaped Rock ‘n Roll forever! I loved Vince Gill’s comment though: I got a Grammy handed to me by a Beatle, have you had that yet Kayne? Haha Awesome!

More garbage to put in the pile…everyone talking about how it’s so awesome that Amy Whinehouse is going to perform via satellite. So what if her VISA’s not renewed on time? Why is it such a big deal? It happens. She’s got one cool song, super. She’s not a freakin’ Beatle or Stevie Wonder or U2 or something. I hate random fuss about stupid people. 

Hmmm I don’t really remember other things that bugged, but Im sure there were more. Random night, Brian Austin Green of 90210 fame is on that new show The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Hahahahaha I miss him as David.

The Little Things

Lately I’ve been really busy. I complain about the work, but I like it because it consumes my thoughts. It lets me put off thinking about school ending and what I’m going to do with my life. Basically, I live day to day in a walking state of denial, which suits me fine until I have down time. I try hard not to think about it, I really do. It’s just not something I want to deal with yet. Eventually I’ll have to, but until that moment comes…ignorance is bliss.

Anyway, back to the point. Today I came home early from school in hopes of napping because I’ve been exhausted lately. (I think my annual bout of “mono” is starting to kick in). Buuut I couldn’t sleep. When faced with what to do with myself, I started getting upset again. It makes it even worse when you need someone around to either listen to you cry or just be there, and there’s no one around. I decided to go for a drive to clear my head a little. I put on Matt Nathanson (because nothing heals the soul like a good voice and an acoustic guitar), and set off. It’s been miserable out all day, and for the last few days. No sun, just dark skies and rain.

While driving, my favorite song of Matt’s came on, and that made me feel a little better, and then around a corner the sun came out from behind the clouds for a while. And in the next five minutes, nothing really mattered. The music, the sun, the clearing of the sky just seemed to make everything seem unimportant. I love moments like that. It’s a like a little gift, a pick me up, just for you. It’s like someone is saying, relax…everything is going to be okay. And it was exactly what I needed. So this is a big thanks for all of the little things in life that serendipitously happen and often go unnoticed and unappreciated.

3 Small Words

Since I’m going to be done with school in May, people have been asking what I’m going to do, and my response to everyone is…”I don’t know.” Three words. Sounds simple enough.

I don’t know.

No se.

Je ne se quios.

But those 2, 3, or 4 words have such a sense of forboding that goes with them. 

I have a bunch of options in terms of jobs I can try to apply for:

• Teach
• Research in industry
• Something completely unrelated to chemistry

I also have a lot of places where I can go:

• Mom wants me to move back home and look for jobs in CT near her
• The girls at Yale want me to stay in…well the vicinity of New Haven
• Dad wants me to get a job in DC
• Amy, Suzi, and Bridge want me to go to Boston
• Kat wants me to go back to RI
• Max wants me to go to Portland with him and some friends

The only problem with all of this is that I have absolutely NO IDEA what I want/should do with my life. When I decided to go to grad school I did so because it was expected of me. If you get a B.S. in a field like chemistry, you get a PhD or a Masters. I also did it because as sad as it is, I wanted to stay in school. Not because I particularly like school (which I do some of the time), but because it’s the only way of life I’ve known for the last ohh 18 years of my life. I’ve never not been in school. I don’t know how to be in any other environment other than school. I know this is a part of life that everyone has to go through…the transition from school to a job…but it’s not something I feel ready for yet. I always thought that when I got a job, I’d feel confident in where I was going in life, confident in my education up until that point, confident in the material that I’ve learned over the years. But I don’t feel confident in any of it.

The only part of the end of my time here at Yale that I am looking forward to, is the possibility of going to England for a couple of weeks. There’s something about being in a new place that I love, especially while being in England. I’m not sure what it is about it there that I like so much. Yeah the accents are awesome, but it’s just really great to be in a place with so much history and tradition. I’ve always wanted to “backpack” through Europe. Do the whole “find yourself and what you want from life” kind of thing. Only I can’t go by myself because I’m a girl and tiny, which doesn’t bode well for traveling alone. And it seems like everyone else I know is at a place where they can’t just pack up and leave for a few weeks. People have jobs, school, and responsibilities that they can’t just leave behind. I just can’t help but think that I’m wasting the opportunity of a lifetime, my lifetime. When else will I get this kind of chance to just go? Maybe never. Sigh.

I know what I want out of life…

I want to matter to people. I want whatever I do (be it work or outside activities) to make a difference either in the world or to someone directly. I want to get married. I want to have kids. I want to be able to watch them grow up and have them not have to deal with some of the things I’ve had to deal with. I want to love and be in love with someone and have them feel the same way about me. I don’t want to end up like my parents did. I don’t want my kids, if I have them, to have to deal with their parents getting divorced. I want to see and experience the world…not just tourist destinations and beaches…but other countries, other cultures, meet people from all walks of life. Most of all, I want to be able to go to sleep at night, and be happy with the life I’ve had, the things I’ve experienced, and the choices I’ve made.

I want a lot, I know that. I won’t be able to have it all, I know that too. But I want to try. I want my life to be seeking to reach those goals.

I know what I want, I just don’t know how to get it. I don’t know how to start. I don’t know what decisions to make to get there. I don’t know whether the things that I want now will matter to me 5, 10, 15 years. I don’t know if I’m heading for success or failure. I don’t know if any of it really matters. 

I just don’t know.

Comp. Chem and Biochem.

Reasons I love this class:

“It’s like Barbie goes to Paris”

“I’m still alive”

“The lone reviewer”

And my all time favorite…

Cool Optimization and Sweet Optimization.

:o)

Hamlet

I love Shakespeare’s plays. Hamlet is, by far, my favorite one. Now, I’ve read it countless times and seen several movie versions of it. None of the movies I’ve seen do it justice. Mel Gibson’s Hamlet is terrible to watch. The overacting done in the movie is ridiculous. You don’t feel Hamlet’s uncertainty, anger, depression, or fear. Glen Close’s fake crying in the opening scene just sums everything, awful! I wanted to stab Mel Gibson during the “to be or not to be” monologue.

Recently I bought the 2000 version of Hamlet staring Ethan Hawke. It is a modern version (similar to Leo’s Romeo and Juliet). I was most pleasantly surprised in the the way that Ethan Hawke is able to put so much emotion and passion in his voice. He plays the perfect Hamlet. Honestly. And it’s kind of awesome that the “to be or not to be” speech is delivered while he’s walking through a Blockbuster. Rather ironic, huh? Julia Stiles does an okay job with Ophelia, but nothing spectacular. Liev Shrieber does well as Laertes, although there’s a lot of sexual tension evident between him and Julia Stiles, that kind of freaks me out as they’re supposed to be brother and sister. Bill Murray plays Polonius, and really he’s perfect for it. He does the rambling conceited idiot very well. The only thing I could really find fault with the movie was the rearrangement of scenes (which was bound to happen), but the omition of some of my favorite scenes. The grave digger scene is MIA, which is one of my favorites. Such a disappointment. And Fortinbras is only mentioned in passing, and doesn’t deliver the final speech at the end. And I was looking forward to seeing Casey Affleck. But overall it’s a great movie.

If you’re not a fan of Shakespeare, you might want to skip it. The dialogue is as written for the most part.